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You're beautiful, you know.
Even though you won't see it
Because pride is unbecoming
(not to mention a deadly sin
But you don't concern yourself
With
trifles.)

You're incredibly bright, you know,
You need to forget about your shadows,
Seeping from beneath locked doors.
They're really just
Trifles
Compared to the rainbow
That glistens beneath your skin.

You're too sweet, you know.
Your goofy grin holds
More sugar than can be healthy
Don't worry, though,
I've got a sweet tooth.
Pity I can't afford to pay
For filling in all the cavities you'll leave
In my hea-
I mean,
Teeth.

You're strong, you know.
Unafraid to jump in mud puddles or
Change lives or other
Trifles
That make my day
Smile;
Every day.

You've make your mark:
Solid and dark. It's more than
Trivial
To me. (It's on me - )
But then again
I'm not exactly
A factor in your success-o-meter
Just a trifle.

I love you, you know.
But nobody is more ignorant than you
When it comes to enjoying the little things,
Even if the little things
Matter less than ladybugs, but -
I'd like to know if you consider me
A lucky charm;
Or below your consideration.
(You don't concern yourself
With
Trifles.)


You are my world, you know.

I know,
Trivial.
Right?
I was gonna call it 'Trifles'
But it sounded too yummy.
So -
Criticism??
Add a Comment:
 
:iconbookjunkie2:
bookjunkie2 Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2010
I read this while videochatting with a good friend, and I immediately read it out loud to her. It was so touching, we both just stopped and stared at each other for a moment. It's truly beautiful, and your word choice is so perfect, and conveys the emotion so well. This is incredible. (:
Reply
:iconcinty-insanity:
cinty-insanity Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2010
Awww, thanks :aww: I'm glad you enjoyed it (:
Reply
:icondovepoet:
DovePoet Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Oh my gosh, definitely a favourite from me! This is so pretty...
Reply
:iconamber-rayin:
amber-rayin Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2010
faved....
(that is my criticism) :P
Reply
:iconcinty-insanity:
cinty-insanity Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2010
Thanks muchly!!
Have a llama for your troubles :)
Reply
:icondaviddno:
Daviddno Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2010
Absolutely amazing.
Reply
:iconcinty-insanity:
cinty-insanity Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2010
Thank-you :heart:
Reply
:iconlipizzan:
lipizzan Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2010  Student Writer
Absolutely beautiful.
I see two very different emotions (disdain, love) blending together. It's unusual and completely memorable. :heart:
Reply
:iconcinty-insanity:
cinty-insanity Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2010
Thankyou :) That's how I intended it to be, it's nice knowing people noticed ^^
Reply
:iconlipizzan:
lipizzan Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2010  Student Writer
Not a problem, you deserved the fave. Also, thanks for the llama! :)
Reply
:iconacidburncrashoveride:
:):P...i like this alot:)...it reminds me of someone from my past...well..not exactly my past...but u catch what im saying^_^nice post...
Reply
:iconcinty-insanity:
cinty-insanity Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2010
Haha, yeah. Thanks :)
Reply
:iconshelbyhoving:
ShelbyHoving Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2010
You were featured here.(:
Reply
:iconcinty-insanity:
cinty-insanity Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2010
Thanks so much!! :heart:
Reply
:iconrainonwednesday:
rainonwednesday Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2010
Here, from the :iconthe-writers-review: is your critique:

I think you don't need the parenthetical statement in the first stanza to be parenthetical. I say this because you're introducing your central "theme" (trifles) in these lines, but the parenthesis casts the statement aside--it's a remark you almost make when you use parentheses. This makes me think that the next time you use "trifles" you're just repeating a word you kinda said, like you couldn't think of a better simile the second time around.

Now let's talk about "trifle" itself: Your use of it is too inconsistent, I think , to warrant the repetition of it. What I mean is, you're not using it the same way each time, you're giving it different connotations, and then switching it up with trivial--which, though similar in denotation and in spelling, is not the same. Example:

"You've make your mark:
Solid and dark. It's more than
Trivial
To me. (It's on me - )
But then again
I'm not exactly
A factor in your success-o-meter
Just a trifle."

Here is your first use of "trivial" and you're juxtaposing it with "trifle". They're not the same, they're meanings are too different to use them interchangeably---"trivial" is an adjective, for one, that says something that you're doing is of little value or worth, almost as if you shouldn't do it. "trifle", however, is a noun that can mean of a thing of little importance, but is more commonly used to mean a thing that is not very big, just a little thing of no consequence. We use it as "A trifle" while we use trivial to describe, conceivably, a trifle.

That's kinda nitpicky, but my real problem is that you close the poem with "trivial" instead of "trifle", which you opened the poem with, and seems to be the central theme of the poem--they're not interchangeable, so you're entire poem is turned upside down when you use them as such.

If you want to expound on the idea that you're trivial, as well as a trifle, or something like that, you can do it--you just need to build up the trivial theme as much as the trifle theme.

I hope that made sense, and that it was of some help. :)
Reply
:iconcinty-insanity:
cinty-insanity Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2010
Very true, and I do understand, I had trouble trying to meld the noun and the verb into one concrete meaning that I could flow throughout the poem, but it didn't work out as best as I'd liked it to :p All in all it's about what is considered important to some is of almost no importance for others, and I ended up choosing 'trivial' and 'trifle' as a way of conveying that, though it wasn't really smoothly done ^^;
Thanks heaps, it did help :)
Reply
:iconrainonwednesday:
rainonwednesday Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2010
I'm glad you understood me...it was kinda complicated to write...I'd love to see a revision of this if you decide to do one!
Reply
:iconemtay96:
emtay96 Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2010
The only thing i will say, even if your basing it off trifles, and trivial you say trifles WAY too much. It gets rather annoying, perhaps you should use trivial again in place of one of those? Or look up synonyms i suppose. That's just all i had to say...
Reply
:iconquietresult:
QuietResult Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2010
:love:
Reply
:iconcinty-insanity:
cinty-insanity Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2010
^^
Reply
:iconjsnix:
jsnix Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2010
No, I actually really love the way this flows, like an afterthought. It's unique in style, but dead-on when it comes to loving someone who never seems to notice just how much. I am loving this!
Reply
:iconcinty-insanity:
cinty-insanity Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2010
Thanks so much ^^
That actually described exactly what I was aiming for the style to really be like, me having no idea how to describe it myself.
Reply
:iconhokova:
Hokova Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2010  Student Traditional Artist
No critism.
Reply
:iconmoreagaara:
MoreaGaara Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2010
truffles. :icondragonnod2:
Reply
:iconcinty-insanity:
cinty-insanity Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2010
Omnomnomnomnom....
Reply
:iconmoreagaara:
MoreaGaara Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2010
:iconomplz::iconnomplz::iconnomplz:
Reply
:iconxxsasukeuchiha4evaxx:
There's nothing bad I can really say about this. I love it, it's so sweet. <3
But, I object to you thinking of yourself as trivial. Because you're not.
If you could only apply this poem and the emotions/description for the person, to yourself, then you'd be spot on.
Reply
:iconwetheinvisible:
WeTheInvisible Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2010
No, no criticism. =]
I love the way its put together, as though it's a speech addressed to someone, but you keep forgetting what you wrote to say ~ 'I mean, teeth.'
And you really care for them [in a lovely, uncaring way], and everything you feel is .. Trivial. Whether to them, or to yourself, I'm not sure.
Anyway.
Trifles are yummy. ^_^ <
xoje.
Reply
:iconcinty-insanity:
cinty-insanity Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2010
Haha, thanks heaps =)
It's kind of 'their love for me is trivial, therefore I am trivial and everything no longer matters' but in a less sensitive-dark-emo way XD
Reply
:iconwetheinvisible:
WeTheInvisible Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2010
aha, no problem.
and hey, nothing wrong with a little sensitive darkness. xP
xoje.
Reply
:iconcinty-insanity:
cinty-insanity Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2010
Haha, true ^.^
Reply
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